Toronto – Let’s face it, I am not a big Michael Bay fan. I’ll admit the Rock was pretty good, but besides that, most of the stuff he has done has been shit. The Island? shit. Bad Boys II? shit. Pearl Harbor? super shit. So when they announced that Transformers was going to be directed by him, I vomited in my mouth. Well, maybe I didn’t, but if I was someone who cared a lot about transformers, I would have. Just like when they announced Brett Ratner was going to direct X-Men 3 after Bryan Singer left the project.

With that being said, expectations were not that high for this movie. I will be the first to admit, the trailers looked good and the special effects looked great so I can’t say I wasn’t at least a little bit excited about it. I mean everyone gets on these nostalgic kicks once in a while. I was fortunate enough to see this Monday night (unfortunate enough to have to travel to Richmond Hill to view it..although I had a ride). Anyways, Richmond Hill is crazy..everyone drives cars! I saw like three cars worthy of Fast n Furious in the parking lot on my walk to the theatre. Crazy, I tell you.

This movie..rocks. It is what it is. It is a big, loud, stupid, summer popcorn movie. Put your brain at the door and just go in and enjoy the movie. It has fantastic action sequences, peppered between scenes that have some tongue in cheek humor and some incredibly cheesy moments. What of the acting you say? nothing special. The kid Shia is a capable lead.. megan fox has a ridiculously hot body, and she doesnt do much other then look pretty and pose in the movie. John Tuturro plays an over the top agent and there are other comic foils. The stars of this movie is the special effect and man, the robots are freakin cool. Expect blatantly obvious product placement, as all the auto bots turn into pontiac/gmc cars.

But whatever, everyone going to this movie is going to see what transformers are included, and how they look. If you are looking for anything more, you will be disappointed. If you are looking for a fun time and some nostalgic kicks, then Transformers will be a good movie for you.

4/5

Toronto – It was alrite.

3/5

Toronto – So me and coworkers go drinking on Friday afternoon after work, and it gets paid for by the company. This particular Friday, my boss decided we need to do shots of Prairie Fires, since he’s never had it before. I was thinking, what is this..first year university? Always a team player, I begrudgingly complied with this task. I figure, what could 1 shot of tequila really do..and to true form, it did not have much effect.

However, my boss, ever the enthusiast, decided to make a beeline to the bartender before we were able to tell him that was enough, and what do you know..there was shot #2. I was like, well thats cool, however, my coworker in operations decided that he wasn’t manly enough to do another shot, claiming he might puke. Always willing to prove that our development team was willing to step up, I told him I would do another if he did that one.

Anyways, I am just setting up the pretext for my viewing of Spiderman 3. I forgot to mention that our free drinks usually end at 6 o clock, as that is when the HR guy gets the bill. So usually, us cheap asses order as many pints as we can in about a 90 minute span, in this weeks case, it was four pints and about three shots. Needless to say, I was in a good mood when I went to see Spiderman.

TOO MANY VILLAINS! Sandman was completely useless. What was he really? This movie had three villains, and aside from Harry, neither Venom or Sandman was really established. Why not just do an entire movie on Venom..he’s the best villain anyway. Either way, this movie seemed to be too cluttered, story wise. Too much stuff going on, but not enough stuff going on..if you get my drift.

As my friend pointed out, Kirsten Dunst appears to get kidnapped every movie. You would think she would be more careful, learn kung fu or carry a gun or something. At least carry mace or a taser. Peter Parker trying to be a bad ass was pretty funny though, because we all know..when you have bangs, you are a bad ass. Totally reminded me of AZN heatbags back in Edmonton, all he was missing was frosted tips. Some of the plot was pretty dumb, why is Peter still friends with Harry? If one of my buddies constantly tried to kill me, I wouldn’t be their friend. Why does Peter Parker insist on living in a shithole? I mean, that is keepin it too real. Frick, you spiderman, go get yourself a nice pad, if you need money, travel to another city and rob a few banks with some other moniker, like Mr. Arachnid or something. They won’t know.

The special effects were cool as usual, but I came away from the movie pretty disappointed. My coworker txt me after the show to let me know they were STILL at it, and the entire night was on the house. Sigh.

spoilers ahead.

Toronto – Needing something to do on nice spring Wednesday night, me and some friends decided to venture indoors and watch this movie called ‘300’ thats all the rage right now. In case you have been in North Korea or a cave, you will know this is the latest adaption of Frank Miller’s story and is loosely based on Battle of Thermopylae , where 300 Spartans fought off about thousands of Persians (or as they are now known..Terrorists) in an effort to slow down their advances. I will leave the rest of the battle details for you to wiki up, just like i did.

obviously the movie was very stylized. lots of slow mo scenes, saturated colors, cgi stuff. it was a more colorful version of sin city in that regard, i thought it was all a pretty nice touch. there were a lot of titties in this movie, and my friend pointed out the people who made the movies put in a bunch of female titties to counter the fact that we will be spending a better part of 90 minutes watching a bunch of men fighting while wearing speedos. anyways, yeah story starts out with an introduction to our hero, king leonsis or something. we learn that spartans are bred to fight and it shows a bit of his training, which involves killing a wolf and wearing it as a fur coat. that actually made him the king. i feel pity for the crappy spartans who could only kill a squirrel or a fish, they’d probably be made fun of a lot.

we fast forward a bit to see that the persians were offering some kind of plea bargain to the spartans, only for the king to utter what is probably the best movie line of the year “THIS IS SPARTA!!!” , and then he kicked the Persians into the well, which as a friend pointed out..would only contaminate their water system, so they were doomed from the beginning. the king then climbs a mountain to go see the oracles, who ask some drugged up naked chick (NOT played by lindsay lohan, surprisingly) for advice. some stuff happens, and the they go to fight. about an hour later, they all die, the movie ends.

this was a pretty enjoyable movie, its probably not one you can watch more then once. most of the movie was quite predictable, but chances are you only went to see it to see fighting in slow mo, and special effects. if u went to see it for that, you are probably satisfied. the dialog isn’t that strong, and all the best lines were already shown in the trailers. the persian king wasn’t really that intimidating an enemy either, as he looked like a cross between kareem abdul jabbar, goro from mortal kombat, and mr. t with piercings.

3.5 / 5