Rickys Random Articles

New Olympic Sport Suggestion: Escalating High Dive

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The Olympics are fun and all, but it’s getting kind of stale. Every four years it’s the same same sport. How many triple flips can you see before you become bored?

It’s time to inject some life and drama into the tournament and I am here to provide some suggestions. I have a bunch but here is the first.

Escalating High Dive

This is a new “sport” and tests one of the most human elements – fear as well as the ability to dive accurately. The venue will be an outdoor pool of about thirty feet deep. Here is how it will go

First Round
A celebrity judge (since it’s in London, let’s say… Pete Doherty) will spin a wheel with some numbers, 15,25,35,45. Whatever number the pointer lands on is the starting point. Let’s say it lands on the starting point of 25. The diving board will be elevated to 25 meters. Pretty easy, most contestants will dive off 25 meters. Each contestant will then perform their dive off 25 meters and they will be judged accordingly.

Eliminations will occur in one of two ways:
a) every round, the diver with the lowest score will be eliminated

UNLESS

b) a diver decides the height is too much and opts out of diving.

Second Round
After the 1st round, the diving board height will once again be raised. But the real question is..by how much?

This will be determined by the diver with the highest score from the previous round. The diver will be given the mic and ask how much they want the diving board be raised. It is up to the divers discretion to decide (at least increments of 5 meters). They can pick to raise it by 5 meters, or 20.

So this will go on and on until there is one diver remaining, and they get the gold medal.

Think about the excitement. What if after one round, the diver decides to raise the diving board 20 meters? how many divers would drop out? How scared will the crowd be if there’s two divers duking it out on a 60 meter diving board?

So many possibilities. What do you think?

Happy Canada Day Weekend! A tribute in Pictures (2012 version)

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It’s once again time to celebrate our fabulous country, one that I leave very often but always come back to. Here are some things to remind us just how great Canada is.


12 Year contract! Woo.


The most loved and hated basketball players for Canadians in one picture! Steve Nash, coming to a Toronto Raptor near you (bank it).


Congratulations to Carly Rae Jepsen for not only introducing us to a song THAT NEVER LEAVES YOUR HEAD and also, one of the funnier memes of 2012.


RAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR


We have cool celebrities


This guy might be the best hitter in baseball


Introduced everyone to gothy techno.


The best chocolate bar

Finally, Here are some random Canadian music acts. Have a good weekend!

Can Con Lyrical Analysis: Moist – Leave it Alone

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It’s been a while since we did lyrical analysis here at the Panic Manual, but that’s just how life is sometimes.

Just like the previous time, when we dug deep and exposed the meanings of Our Lady Peace’s classic track Superman’s Dead, we will once again reach back in the sands of time and look at another classic from the 90’s – Moist’s leading single off their sophomore album Creature. That track is Leave It Alone.

For the record, I really like this song. Even today. I’m sure 15 year old Ricky enjoyed it more but it’s got a good flair to it. However, I have always wondered – what the hell is it about?

I asked Paul what he thought, to which he said “just … leave it alone, man”

Let’s have a look at the lyrics. I have put some notes in the lyrics in parentheses.

I’d walk the water to get back to you (Jesus reference?)
And where I was complete
We found you scattered by the highway side too
Soon to be released
Gathered the pieces up and clean the places
Where you were undone
(humpty dumpty reference?)
And washed the wreckage out unfinished all the
Thoughts that we’d begun

I came to burn the sky and tear away
The beauty that it sows
If I could rape the day and find the things I thought
(what!?!??!)
I’d always known

Leave it alone again tonight

I laid your arms out long untwisted there
And shaped what I could find
Unmade the most of it and then left the rest
The parts unrecognized
My reconstruction was the only way
For one last look at you
I lost the sense of absolution
That we never knew

Leave it alone again tonight
Leave it alone again tonight

And it takes me back from this place here
It takes me back from this place here

I came to burn the sky and tear away
The beauty that it sows
I came to rape the day and find the things
I thought I’d always known

Leave it alone again tonight

And it takes me back from this place here
From this place here it takes me over
And it might be lost in this place here
From this place here it takes me on

Tonight leave it alone

From what I gather, the first two verses seem to indicate David Usher wants to heal or remember a person he cared about, who has changed or is broken in some emotional way. It’s really the chorus that I can’t understand. What does he want to leave alone?

What the hell does this line mean?

If I could rape the day and find the things I thought I’d always known

Why must you rape the day? Can you not find out gently and kindly? what does raping of a day entail? This befuddles me.

In conclusion, I have no idea what this song is about. So if someone can tell me, that would be great

14 Hour Flight Review: Toronto – Calgary – Tokyo [2012, Air Canada]

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If you don’t know me by now (cue up Simply Red), you will know by the end of this post that I will pretty much write about anything. I basically have no ability to sleep on an airplane. It’s absolutely horrible. Friday morning I flew to Tokyo, and since I couldn’t sleep I decided to provide you an hour to hour update of how things went. One would argue that by making this commitment for an hour to hour update, I have basically sub consciously eliminated the idea of sleeping already those people don’t know how many articles I have started writing and abandoned half way through.

This post is not really that interesting, but maybe that’s the point. 14 hour journeys on a plane are not supposed to be interesting.

0:00
My never ending quest to sit beside an attractive girl on a flight (does this only happen in rom coms?) is once again foiled when I realized I’m about to sit besides Mistachio in row 32h. I find out he’s a bus driver from Sydney, Nova Scotia going to Jasper for seasonal work. He looked nervous and said he hasn’t flown in such a large plane before. I wanted to say this is just about the smallest plane I’ve been on for a cross Pacific flight, but I didn’t want to crush his soul.

1:00
I don’t know why I bothered downloading all those tv shows. The entertainment console has a host of movies including Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, The Artist, A Separation, Memento, Lord of the Rings and even Seven. Just to see what all the hype is about, I just watch the now defunct television series Community for the first time ever.

2:00
The women in the aisle seat in front of me is watching Captain America while eating watermelon and drinking club soda. I think she is living the American dream. The people in the aisle across from me just finished the extra large Tim Horton’s, I put the over and under on their bathroom trips at 4 for the rest of the journey.

3:00
I envy everyone who is sleeping. How do they do it? To just let it all go. Maybe they aren’t making hourly blog updates.

4:00
The first leg of my flight is almost over. I think I watched five episodes of Community. It’s pretty clever but not sure I’d watch it if I wasn’t stuck on a plane. I did make a mental note to revisit the Allison Brie GQ feature from awhile back.

5:00
Stopped over at Calgary’s airport (worse duty free) for an hour which gave my legs a much needed stretch. Was making conversation in Tim Hortons line with some kid. I don’t know if he appreciated the sound of my “ooohhhhhhh” when he told me he was going home to Saskatoon

6:00
My attempts to sleep are futile. I am reminded of Mariah Carey singing “can’t sleep, can’t sleeeep anymore” line from her cover of Without You

6:30
The stewardess gave me the Japanese version of the customs card. DO I LOOK JAPANESE TO YOU! I scream out at the top of my lungs in my head.

7:00
I am hoping the two mini bottles of wine I just polished off will help me sleep. I think I’ve watched like seven episodes of Community now, it’s definitely growing on me.

8:00
Watching No Reservations: Japan on my laptop. Sleep is not apparent for me. Why I watch this show, I don’t know. It’s not like my Tokyo trip will be anything like that of Anthony Bourdain’s. It does give me hope though. That’s all I have at this hour.

9:00
can’t sleep so I took another mini bottle of wine from the back. I’ve decided to do some coding in the meantime for work. It makes me wonder if I’m starting to become one of those people who think about work when I’m not on my job, but the I seem to be among the few who actually like my job so maybe it’s okay? deep stuff here.

9:30
First serious turbulence of the plane ride. in my opinion it’s not a real plane ride until you hit some turbulence. it’s fun for me but some people don’t handle it well. For example when we came back from England the other 3 people in my row threw up. Currently over Alaska right now, about to head over Siberia.

Picture break

9:45
Watching the second episode of Girls on the plane was not the best idea. The people in the row behind me probably think I’m a perv now.

11:00
Moneyball was pretty good. What would of been better was if they had Jason Giambi injecting himself with steroids in the background somewhere.

12:00
Spent the last 40 minutes trying to get some shut eye. fail. Why do I even bother.

13:00
meh. Much like Lebron James, I simply don’t know how to finish at this late stage of the game.

14:00
Almost there! fourteen hours, nine episodes of Community and five mini bottles of wine later, we are starting our descent into Tokyo. No sleep for 24 hours will be tough when me and my friends go out drinking tonight.

Well there you have it, roughly an hour to hour recap of what my flight was like. I am now in Tokyo. It’s pretty cool.