Movie Review: Transformers

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Toronto – Let’s face it, I am not a big Michael Bay fan. I’ll admit the Rock was pretty good, but besides that, most of the stuff he has done has been shit. The Island? shit. Bad Boys II? shit. Pearl Harbor? super shit. So when they announced that Transformers was going to be directed by him, I vomited in my mouth. Well, maybe I didn’t, but if I was someone who cared a lot about transformers, I would have. Just like when they announced Brett Ratner was going to direct X-Men 3 after Bryan Singer left the project.

With that being said, expectations were not that high for this movie. I will be the first to admit, the trailers looked good and the special effects looked great so I can’t say I wasn’t at least a little bit excited about it. I mean everyone gets on these nostalgic kicks once in a while. I was fortunate enough to see this Monday night (unfortunate enough to have to travel to Richmond Hill to view it..although I had a ride). Anyways, Richmond Hill is crazy..everyone drives cars! I saw like three cars worthy of Fast n Furious in the parking lot on my walk to the theatre. Crazy, I tell you.

This It is what it is. It is a big, loud, stupid, summer popcorn movie. Put your brain at the door and just go in and enjoy the movie. It has fantastic action sequences, peppered between scenes that have some tongue in cheek humor and some incredibly cheesy moments. What of the acting you say? nothing special. The kid Shia is a capable lead.. megan fox has a ridiculously hot body, and she doesnt do much other then look pretty and pose in the movie. John Tuturro plays an over the top agent and there are other comic foils. The stars of this movie is the special effect and man, the robots are freakin cool. Expect blatantly obvious product placement, as all the auto bots turn into pontiac/gmc cars.

But whatever, everyone going to this movie is going to see what transformers are included, and how they look. If you are looking for anything more, you will be disappointed. If you are looking for a fun time and some nostalgic kicks, then Transformers will be a good movie for you.


XBox 360 Review: Splinter Cell – Double Agent

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Toronto – After watching shows like 24, theres nothing you want to do more then sneak up behind someone and snap their neck or slit them in the throat. I mean look at this clip (probably favorite one of season 6)

in the deadly world of espionage, you can trip, and your neck will break. This leads me to everyone’s favorite spy game – Splinter Cell. In Splinter Cell, you play Sam Fisher, basically, a really bad ass ninja version of Jack Bauer. You get put on missions where you sneak around..gather data, spy, kill, etc. Typical spy shit, minus the glamorous parts (no tango dances with Tia Carriere, for example). In this particular game, you have to infiltrate a terrorist cell group ran by over ambitious militants in the US. This is a newish concept to the game, as some of your missions are now terrorist machines, where you have to do stuff like blow up a cruise ship. Obviously, one of the themes of the game is morality or something, where you have to equally balance the trust of the terrorist group and the spy agency at the same time..

If you have played Splinter Cell before, then this game will be very familiar to you. If you haven’t then you are in for a treat. Splinter Cell is extremely fun to play. Basically, you sneak around, and your character can do all kinds of things to hide. You are equipped with heat, electricity and night vision, so you go around turning off lights and stuff in order to get by. You can climb, hang, hide, etc. The locales in this game are awesome, including stuff like Africa, Shanghai, a Cruise ship and others.

Now you can get thru the entire game without being seen, or killing anyone you are not suppose to…but that’s no fun. You are given a crap load of weapons to use, but really, in the end, you will only use two weapons ..your hands (to snap ze neck) or if that fails..your knife. This is a game about sneaking around, and obviously, if you can get close enough to perform one of these two feats, you have done your job.

Graphics and sound and stuff for this game are about what you would expect for a video game. Pretty good. My only gripe is that this game was kinda short, and some of the terrorist tasks were repetitive.


XBox 360 Review – Rainbow Six: Vegas

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Toronto – After watching stuff like 24, theres nothing you want to do more then to shoot some freakin middle eastern people. What better game to do it then Rainbow Six: Las Vegas. This game is simply one of the best games out there for any system. What is the premise? Some bad ass terrorists have taken hostages in Las Vegas. It is up to you and your teammates to infiltrate the Casinos of Las Vegas and kill pretty much every single person who is not white.

This is NOT a shooter for people who play quake and doom 2 and stuff. Running into any situation without careful analysis = you die. Simple as that. This game is hard. Very hard. Terrorists are everywhere, and they are all carefully situated…and they all hate you. Remember that. They hate you. This is what makes this game good, its so damn hard, that when you are able to clear out a hallway without dying, you feel happy. When you snipe a bunch of bad guys without getting shot, its practically Christmas. Thats how hard this game is.

The graphics for this game are awesome, as all the previous games had you fighting in shithole towns. This game, you in vegas baby! colors! lights! noise! everything is encapsulated within this game and you feel like you are actually in Vegas rescuing hostages. the only thing missing is a bunch of white tigers who eat magicians.

Since I have finished the game on the hardest level possible, I feel like I can provide some tips:

- always send in your teammates first into a room. they can die repeatedly. you can die once. there is nothing more satisfying then sending your ‘freind’ into an open street, watch him get sniped, then killing the sniper right after that. reminds of you saving private ryan, sometimes.

- shoot everything that moves. its safer that way, i have lost a few missions because i have shot the person i was supposed to rescue, but bastard probably deserved to die.

Rating: 5/5

Movie Review: Shrek 3

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Toronto – It was alrite.