Here at the Panic Manual, we not only review concerts and write about songs, we also take the time to dig deep (but not that deep). We once attempted to see if Barenaked Ladie’s If I had a Million Dollars song was actually realistic, tried to decipher Our Lady Peace lyrics and even took the time to review our own concert reviews. So now it’s only natural to look at another issue that has long been ignored – the constant scorn that tall people face at concerts.
According to a random site I found on google, the average height of male in Canada is 5’8 1/2. I am 6’1 so while it doesn’t make me that much taller, it still makes me taller then the average male. I guess I can claim I am tall because I play on the “tall boys” team during me and my friend’s annual Canada Day soccer game. Anyways, as a tall person and frequent show go-er, I can just say – while it’s usually great to have a clear view, it’s not always that fun. I know some people might have a hard time believing that, so here I am to provide you with some things we have to deal with at shows.
Excruciating self awareness that people hate you
I am completely aware that everyone behind me hates me during a show. It doesn’t make it any less painful. I can’t help it. I think most tall people try to stay in the back or near the sides during a show, but sometimes, when it’s the band you love, you really just want to be in the middle and at the front. As a paying customer, that’s also our right. You know that moment during the show, when you are having a great time and the band has the lights shine on the fans? You look around to see if everyone else is having as much fun, but imagine if every person you make eye contact with looks like they want to stab you. That’s what we get. You could argue the view is just as good from the back, but it’s not. Sometimes you just want to be right up the thick of it. Still when that happens, you know there’s a bunch of eyes on you, hating. Not the greatest feeling, let me tell you.
So imagine you are generally one of the tall people at shows. Imagine the confusion you would get if someone even taller stand in front of you? Sometimes this happens and we are completely confused. It’s totally foreign – what is the protocol here? Do we move to stand in front of them? do we just suck it up? Confusion leads to anxiety and the next thing you know, we are a nervous wreck. Ideally, we would just shuffle to the side, but then we run the risk of creating a “tall wall”, where two tall people stand side by side and exponentially block more people’s view then one person. The hatred would double. It sounds silly, but these questions plague the mind of someone tall during a show.
Broken Jaw Anxiety
At first, I thought this was just me, but after conferring with fellow Panic Manual writer Vik (who is 6’3) and occasional PM contributor Sully (who is 6’0) it is actually a common thought. I will summarize this by a tweet I made.
I get paranoid when a short person stands in front of me during a show cos I am afraid they might jump up & back and break my jaw
— panicmanual (@panicmanual) July 17, 2013
Imagine having to eat food through a straw for months because some person in front of you did not have the spatial awareness to know that something that can easily be broken is just 8 inches directly overhead. You might think it’s silly, but it happens more then you think.
So as you can see, it’s not always fun and games for tall people at shows. I mean yes, the view is great, but next time you decide to swear at one because they accidentally block your view, remember: they have feelings too.