So one of my friends was writing a bunch of blurbs for a certain “music” video channel site’s top 200 music videos of the year and was getting tired of doing it (as one would when having to sift through a bunch of crap). Ever the gentleman, I offered to step in a write a few. I got tired after doing three of these (watching music videos is exhausting). Unfortunately, my offerings were not accepted. So, here they are!
Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans
Instead of spending all that money filming this music video, Interscope could have just bought the rights to those Calvin Klein commercials from the 1990’s and played the song over it. Of course, since it’s 2012, they would then have to digitally add tattoos to one of the male models. I’m sure they could have paid some dude in Bangladesh 2 dollars an hour to do that. Then they can use that money they saved to sign some real talent.
Madonna – Give Me All Your Luvin (Featuring M.I.A and Nicky Minaj)
Featuring football players, Marilyn Monroe costumes, real-life anime cheerleaders and supposed gangster violence, there is a lot of things going on in this video. All the distractions however, cannot mask the fact that at 50 years old, Madonna is no longer relevant with the key marketing demographic (14-25 year olds) and needed to enlist not one, but two equally attention seeking singers (MIA and Nicky Minaj) to make it seem like Madonna is still cool. Also, five years from now, people will look back at Nicky Minaj and wonder just how the hell she got popular.
Cody Simpson – Wish You Were Here (featuring Becky something)
All I wonder about Cody Simpson is what is going to happen to his career once he hits puberty. Will he be the male Lindsay Lohan and completely wreck his career via drugs or will he just fall into irrelevancy before starring on the 25th edition of Dancing With the Stars. How many of these Disney-esque teen stars have released a music video showing staged “backstage tour reels” to show how fun they are off camera? Let’s face it, Cody Simpson is de-virginizing at least three teenage girls a night on these tours and picking up an unhealthy coke habit.