I have a real soft spot for bad action movies. This not-so-secret love of mine is most pronounced when I hang out with my friend Kevin. When left to our own devices our video store trips often end with us returning with the latest direct-to-video Steven Seagal or Dolph Lundgren movie (yes, Dolph Lundgren still makes movies); our trips have in the past unveiled such gems as 2008′s Conspiracy starring Val Kilmer (horrible movie) and the all-out CGI snakefest Boa vs. Python.
As a result, I am well familiar with the work of one Jean-Claude Van Damme, the Muscles from Brussels, the Belgian Dragon, the Purveyor of Maximum Van Dammage, although my Van Damme intake has been severely curtailed the last eight years or so. Somehow Van Damme managed to drop below even Seagal’s newest displays of mumbling, ponytails and death in the pecking order of bad new release action movie rentals. I do believe the last Van Damme joint I was lucky enough to convince someone to rent with me was 1998′s Legionnaire, or possibly 2001′s Replicant. Though I couldn’t really swear to having seen either. Clearly these were memorable, meaningful films for me.
One movie I do believe I’ll remember for a long time is JCVD. I don’t really want to gush, but…what the hell. JCVD is wonderful. It’s likely the best movie I’ve seen this year. I loved it, I intend to see it again before it’s through in theatres, and would heartily recommend it to anyone. And my gushing over this movie is mostly based on just one scene.
JCVD has some loose basis in Jean-Claude Van Damme’s actual life. Van Damme has problems. He’s losing a custody battle for his daughter (in real life, it was his son), he’s broke, he can’t get any parts with actual studio movies, just bad foreign and independent movies, and what’s worse, a part his agent lined up for him goes instead to Steven Seagal because Seagal promised to cut his ponytail off on screen. Really, how can you match that?
Van Damme goes back to Belgium to spend some time with his parents and re-focus himself. He takes a cab into town, goes into the bank to get some cash, but walks straight in on a robbery in progress. Not only is Van Damme taken as one of the hostages, through a misunderstanding the police on scene mis-identify him as the hostage taker. Oh Van Damme, how do you get yourself into these things?
One of the three robbers is a psychopath, and would sooner kill everybody in the room than surrender. The leader is fairly hapless, unable to keep the psycho guy in check or think of how to deal with things once the robbery goes wrong. The third is a starstruck Van Damme fan, the ubiquitous bank robber with a good heart who doesn’t really want to hurt anybody. The biggest laugh in the movie comes when the fan bank robber gets Van Damme to kick a cigarette out of one of the other hostage’s mouths, squeals with delight when he does it, then drills the guy in the head with his foot when he tries to imitate Van Damme’s move. Because the police think he’s the one holding the hostages, the three robbers force Van Damme to talk to the hostage negotiator over the phone without revealing the truth, that he’s a hostage, not a crook. Poor Van Damme has to endure when they put his lawyer and his mother on the line, but he keeps the lie going. He’s constantly being threatened by the psychopathic robber and gets hit in the face more than once while trying to keep the peace and protect the other hostages. Director Mabrouk El Mechri somehow manages to keep things lighthearted enough for the comedy to draw laughs, but serious enough to keep a sense of dread in the air.
Not only that, he also maintains a certain surrealism to everything, enough so that when Van Damme sort of comes out of one of the hostage scenes in the bank and starts talking directly to the audience, it’s almost seamless. And then Van Damme delivers quite possibly the greatest scene of his career. And apparently it wasn’t even scripted.
I think the most frequently made comment about this movie goes something like “who knew Van Damme could act?” I knew that JCVD was blowing away audiences at film festivals, that people were saying Van Damme was amazing in a way he’d never been before. Knowing this, I was still not really prepared when Van Damme leaned forward in his chair, stared straight at me, and bared his soul. He talked about coming to America. Producers who look at everyone in Hollywood and think “Let’s fuck this guy.” His problems with drugs. His many wives and many divorces. How it breaks his heart to see people who have more to offer the world than he does who have none of the things he has. Tears rolled down his cheeks. And it was beautiful, powerful, jaw-dropping stuff.
I sat back in my chair dumbfounded. All I could say was “wow.” And there was still a significant amount of movie left. Honestly, the movie surrounding JCVD’s big monologue is very good, but not great. There’s some laughs, some tension, some drama. In about seven minutes, though, Van Damme makes this a great film. See it.
5/5. I didn’t actually get all the references, I don’t really know what happened between Van Damme and John Woo, for instance, or the thing about Van Damme and “awareness.” But I loved this movie.
