Toronto - Ever the social observationalist, I present you with the Coffee Shop Corollary - which states: The quality of the neighborhood you live in is directly related to the coffee shop that surrounds your area.

Coffee Time - If you have a coffee time near your house, its time to move. You probably live in the ghettos, or you border ghetto or low income housing. There’s probably 3 barber shops and 2 pawn shops near by. There’s people who just hang out on the streets for no apparant reason. You might think your neighborhood has character because of this, but no - it doesn’t.

Tim Hortons - If you have a Tim Hortons near your house - its a step up. However, look around you - are you living in the suburbs? Probably. Your neighborhood probably needs cars to get around, since everyone loves to go thru the drive thru at Timmy Ho’s. Theres probably a bunch of white teenagers dressed as black ballers hanging around the parking lot too.

Second Cup - You are definitely moving on up. Your neighborhood has probably gotten respect from the corporations and you probably have a few franchised restaurants nearby. Streets are probably a little cleaner, the neighborhood is probably younger and theres some students hanging out at the store with their lil mac books half posturing, half studying. Its a pretty decent neighborhood. You are enjoying yourself.

Starbucks - Your neighborhood is definitely cool now. The bigwig has stepped in. They hired some good looking unbelievably cheery baristas too. Macbooks all around. Artsy people with dark rim glasses hang out talking about the latest obscure film from Germany. People from other neighborhood are checking out your neighborhood and they are all like ‘I could totally live here!’ Deep down you are starting to get annoyed that theres so many people in your hood on the weekend, but you really appreciate the lil hip fusion restaurant that just opened down the street.

2 Starbucks - Time to move.

Independent coffee shop - The neighborhood most people probably strive for. They charge more then all the other coffee shops listed, but its ‘independant’ so its justified. The coffee might even be fair trade, to help out all those third world countries (”have you heard about the tragedy in ____” is a pickup line at these places). Random locals hang out here, the baristas are cute and sometimes seem a lil too cool for you, but then you take a step back and be all like ‘man they are working in a coffee store’ and you feel good again.

I don’t really know why I made this post, but here’s a GREAT song with coffee in it and maybe the best music video ever..

 

 Blur - Coffee and TV: Play Now